A Note To The Gentlemen In My Life.

Hello, Dearlings. 

A few of you, I genuinely like. Most of you, I tolerate. Some of you, I despise. And some, I keep you around just 'cause you're fun to look at. So, If your attention span is shorter than that of an ADD goldfish, feel free to sort yourself into one of the below categories and simply read that. 

To The Guys I'm Strictly Platonic Friends With:

While I'm glad you confide in me as you would another guy, please don't fill me in on all your sexual conquests. I especially don't want to hear about your drunken exploits. I really don't care that you didn't wake up in your own bed this morning, or you had a drunken emotional breakdown last night. Some stories are best left in the figurative locker room. 

I'm glad I have you guys around though, because I can talk to you without worrying what you think of me. You've been around through all my awkwardness, and I've been there for yours. Trust me, I still remember that time I jumped out at you and you screamed for your mommy. And yes, I will mention it the firt few times you bring a girl home from college. 

To The Guys Who I've... Been More Than Just Friends With:

Yes, you've almost been in my pants. And Yes, you're a bit older than me. But I promise, you act younger. But I still care about you. You're a part of my life that I can't get rid of. Even though sometimes you make me want to bash you in the head with my guitar, I don;t want to lose you.

To The Guys Who Fancy Themselves A Romantic Prospect:

Seriously, man. Smack yourself real quick. Not too hard. Randomly asking me out will not elicit the response you're hoping for. I might be a little creeped out. Get to know me first, please. That's all I ask. And making jokes about how little I am will not get you anywhere, much less within a foot of my pants. 

To Prancer: 

Yes, you get your own category. Why? Because you're weird. And sometimes I'm not entirely sure I can classify you as a boy. Kidding! 

Seriously, bud, you've been around for way too long. I like how I can call your mom "Momma" and she answers. I don;t remember not calling her Momma. 

It's kinda weird being a thousand miles away. I realized that as I was texting you a few minutes ago. My phone is strangely silent, so I think you're currently preoccupied with....stuff. ;)

And since you helped me with my boy drama, I guess I'll help you with your girl issues, should they ever manifest (Big word. Look it up). 

But do note, however, that once you bring a girl home over break, the stories of your awkwardness will come out. As will pictures. And yes, I've still got those. 

To The Guys Who Don't Know Me:

I'm not weird, I promise. Just a little out there. But it's all good. I'm cute. 

Well, that's all my Y-Chromosome'd friends. I hope you paid attention and took notes. 

Heart, me.